I know that we women tend to blame our hormones for just about everything - mood swings, chocolate binges, impulse purchases and random murders. But, and it's a lovely pregnant pause of a 'but', I really think there is something in it.
Let me explain. As a younger woman, I often felt that with the onset of my monthly visitor, that I was about to kill someone or myself. Very dramatic, self-absorbed no doubt but heartbreakingly true. I would feel such black despair that - if on high on a cliff - I would have thrown myself off. But in reality it meant that I just ate more chocolate.
However, with the passing of time, and the light of dawn, I would wake and literally feel that I had survived a terrible storm. My period arrived, welcome as an old but smelly friend. Somehow I would wake whole in the midst of the debris and just simply breathe in and out. I had climbed down from the perch that I somehow had clambered up upon, seemingly no worse for the experience.
This happened for years. Mood swings had become second nature to me but often jarring for the people around me. So with the birth of my first baby, I thought that somehow Mother Nature would sort me out, establish the hormonal balance that I certainly needed.
I had one of my more noticeable 'episodes' when I got freaked out by the closeness of breastfeeding my beautiful daughter (I had in truth hoped for a son) and felt incapable of looking after her properly.
Long story short. Once I stopped breastfeeding her, I found the physical distance enabled me to be a better mother. A second daughter arrived and she made it clear in no uncertain terms that I was hers. So began my rather freaky closeness with my two daughters.
Fast forward to my early menopause (42 - 46) and the inevitable menstruation of my two daughters. I had hoped that my slightly psychotic highs and lows were tamer now that I wasn't menstruating myself.
That was until this week. I have been fooling myself. Youngest daughter on period, mad mother screaming over time taken to get ready for family outing. Leads to mother huffing and threatening month's grounding of 17-year-old (as if?) and then said teenager telling me she was going to the house party whether I liked it or not. Spoke to ex-husband (first time in yonks), explained seriousness of situation and my general nervous disposition. He did nothing but repeat what I said. She went out. I lost control of her in the first time in 17 years.
To complete the bludgeoning, I had major, drink-fueled, fall-out with good friend and neighbour who was entertaining me lavishly to birthday drinks. We had stupid clash of words (both our points were valid), then she declared open season on me with 'humorous' remarks about my housekeeping (or lack of). I told her she was rude and I was leaving. She told me that our humour didn't match and "you go your way and I'll go mine".
My point is that I felt as high and alone and shaky on that perch like I did when I was 17. And yes, the calm has now returned and I feel so more like me again.
So my question is - can I still be experiencing 'sympathy hormones' with my menstruating daughters or am I just a real bitch?
Answers please on a postcard.
Hormonally Yours
